A Dog's Life
by Andy Rubin
(Grants Pass, Oregon)
Carmen at home on dad's recliner
My name is Carmen; I was born June 8, 2007 in Grants Pass, Oregon. My mom was a Dachshund, my dad a Boston terrier. My mom said that dad just came over the neighbors fence for a visit. I never met him but my mom said he was a real stud, whatever that means.
I was adopted by a very nice couple. We all got along great. The big problem was that I slept in their bed and, when dad came in while I was sleeping, I growled at him…which got me excited and so I wet the bed. One day he said he had enough and threw me in the car and took me a few miles away. He threw me out on the street.
I met a Boxer and we lived on the street eating whatever we found on the ground. We hung out for a couple of months, freezing, starving and sleeping when we could. One day a Doberman thought I was something to eat and I had to use my speed and quickness to evade doggie heaven. We were picked up by a man in a van and taken to a big building with lots of other dogs. We thought it was great; there was food and warmth.
After a few weeks a lady would come in with an awful look on her face and a cookie in her hand. I remember Fido following her and never coming back. Rumor had it that he was going to doggie heaven or death row. I was scheduled for the cookie with the scary lady but another lady came in and thought I was cute. She noticed my hair lip and I thought she was going to change her mind. She asked the other lady if I was a “Barker” and was I “house trained?” The lady lied about my bed wetting problem when I got excited. The women said she would take me on a trial basis, but my private parts had to be removed whatever those are…sounds a little scary.
She took me to my new home, huge with lots of places to mark my territory. I went from living on
the street to what some would consider a mansion. She is the only one living there but I can smell a man and another dog. I’m not complaining, it’s warm inside and she leaves me food in a bowl. It’s better than what I found on the street.
After a month she put me in a car and took me on a ride that I thought would never end. I hoped it wasn’t back to death row. Later she told me we were going to a warm place called Yuma. When we stopped, a man met us and that was the smell from the house I recognized and I felt relaxed and relieved. When we went into the new house I jumped on the man’s lap. It was wonderful.
The man sleeps in a chair, so later that night mom and I went to bed. I was sound asleep when he came in and got in the bed. I don’t know why I did it… but I started growling… and I wet the bed. I thought I was dead. But no, he and mom started laughing and continued for a long time. That was a relief! Also, the other smell was Buddy another dog. Each day we all take a walk and Dad throws a ball for Buddy. Buddy chases it and I chase Buddy and bark at him. It’s a lot of fun. After a while we drive back to the big house and the cold. But this time dad is there. Usually one of them is with me, or if they both go, they leave me in the house where they put my bed by the woodstove.
It doesn’t get any better than this. My dad sleeps in his recliner chair and I sleep with him. There is just enough room between the armrest and him. He gets up early and opens the door to mom’s room and I crawl under her blankets…sometimes staying there after she gets up. I still growl when dad gets in mom’s bed but I don’t wet the bed anymore. Thank God. I will tell you more later.
This entry was posted in Lighter Side by Andy Rubin